I'm Untalented

Went to piano teacher's house for some 'extra tuition'. Plainly because I suck at it. I'm Grade 6 and I am not good.

So I went there, I started practicing there because there were other people there. Sight reading, a run through my scales and pieces.

Then she called me to my death.

I walked out of the room I was practicing in. Crossed to the grand piano. Sat on the stool and took out my pieces. Opened it and placed my fingers on the keyboard. I shivered slightly, not because I was afraid, but because the air-conditioning was blowing straight at me. My teacher went and switched it to another direction. Well, that was nice of her.

I started to play my first piece. Sonata in D minor Kp. 9 by D. Scarlatti. It was lively and quick.  She stopped me as I started. She winded up her metronome. I cringed inwardly. I loathed that damn metronome. Tick Ding! Tick Ding! Tick Ding! It ticked at the speed of 72. I waited. One, two and... I started playing. It started well enough but then my tempo wasn't right and I started to fall back. Shoot. Slipped once. Then another time. I winced. Finally it was over. She said I had to practice more. I sighed.

Second piece. Adagio Second movement from Sonata in C, WoO 51 By Beethoven. It was very slow and romantic. She set the metronome. 46. I listened. Tick tick Ding! Tick Tick Ding! Tick Tick Ding! I went in. It started horribly. I didn't go in the right time. I decided to ignore the metronome. But. She stopped me. In the middle of a song! She scolded me for not listening to the metronome. Started all over. She guided me. I went in. All was good until I slipped. I lost tempo and I wasn't following the metronome again.

I was frustrated and confused. I was fine without the metronome. I could do it flawlessly! But... With the stupid ticking, I wasn't quick enough. I couldn't focus. My dynamics wouldn't come out.

I finished the song hastily and messily.

Third and last piece. Jazz Exercise No. 2 from Jazz Piano for the Young Pianist, Vol. 3 by O. Peterson. I love this piece but... It doesn't seem to like me... Its lively and fun with a lot of energy. But... I can't do it. I haven't practiced enough. When she set the metronome, at a dizzying speed of 120 i was about to have a heart attack. TickTockTickDing!TickTockTickDing!  I didn't know what to do. I decided to go by my own speed. Well, she didn't like it. She scolded me and turned off the metronome.

She asked me:'How do you think you are ever going to pass with this?'
I shrugged.
So, she only wanted me to pass. Not get a merit. I was hurt. I know I suck. Of course I do. I don't freaking practice. But... She didn't really had to rub it in...

I couldn't focus throughout the whole lesson. Especially during sight-reading. I know I suck at it. Tears of frustration kept filling my eyes as I played another and another wrong note. I kept wanting to give up. But I know I cant... I know... But... If I can't do it good, shouldn't I just give it up? I don't know!!! I'm so sad and confused right now.

And you couldn't you give me a little warmth? Just had to practice a little more. No sympathy. Yeesh. I'm unhappy+ing and you say you're at The Mines eating. =.=

Oh God. This sucks. Please... Am I UNTALENTED?