Pure Science Student

Hey Humans. I haven't seen all of you in a while, I don't know why, but my last post, my Camp Rock post, didn't pop out in the blogger feed. WTF. Its like there's something wrong with my blogger. Never mind, you can read it here <-- click! There's lots of epic photos in there. :]

Since my pathetic existence is just filled with uselessness, I shall tell you a little bit on what being a Pure Science Student feels like (through my eyes).

As I mentioned above, I am a Pure Science Student. I expected myself to be one, no surprises there, since there are only 4 choices as I step into upper forms:

• Arts Stream (Not Artistic and Creative enough)
• Accounts Stream (I hate Maths)
• Sub-Science (I don't wanna be an engineer)
• Pure Science (I'm not smart enough)

Naturally, I chose Pure Science, because I think, in my subconscious, I wanna be a scientist. Of course, this ambition was rooted down when I had no idea about the fields of science. I expected scientists mixed stuff around in beakers and *boom*. (Yes, I was that childish)

But now, I'm not really sure if I made the correct choice.

I mean, I wanna study Psychology, so obviously, I have to take Biology. And apparently, people think I'm 'smart', since I'm a so-called-Daisy-Class-Student. So I 'naturally' will go study Pure Science.

Well, I am currently going MAD with all the science subjects here.

I'm drowning. I seriously am.

Everyone in my class is one step ahead. They all have these amazing tuition centers, teachers and so on. Whereas, I? Am like, one-step behind everyone. I'm not kidding.

I could be sitting in class during one of the Science subjects or Add Maths, and have no idea whatsoever the teacher is talking about, while I see Phuah, Ashley or Dhipa nodding attentively. Whereas I? Would be struggling. But, I still put on a brave face. I don't want to let them know they've beaten me in early stages.

I feel exhausted. In having to fake everything. I feel fake. Unreal.

Honestly, if I told this dilemma I have to my parents, they would just say: 'Why don't you just change to art stream??' And tears of injustice would spring to my eyes, and I would fall silent. But inside, I would cry out, exasperated, but I can't freaking DRAW!


The rain is pouring outside. 


I'm flashing back.

We were all sitting in class. We are around 8 or 9, I think. Teacher asked: 'What is your ambition?'

My answer was, definitely: 'Writer! 作家！Penulis!'

It hasn't changed since.

So how am I supposed draft out ideas from ART, SCIENCE and ACCOUNTS??

Whatever.

In exchange for a spot of participation in Malam Bakat,  the Mother has wanted grades in exchange. Like barter.

Fine. Have it your way.

I'm annoyed because I typed out a bunch of stuff just now. And a freaking reload has erased everything.

I'm too short of time to retype.

Just leave me be.

为什么你越长越大越没有用？！

(Why are you getting more and more useless as you grow older?!)

Well, tell me when you find out, don't you. 

Dreams, left uncaught. 

Now, I have to act as if nothing had happened. 

Depressed Angel