Today I'm going to share one classic bit with you. I think I was still in primary school when I started this. I wanted to write a modern-fantasy novel with a badass female character. I wrote myself as an elf and back then I could not spell 'elf'. Not quite sure what inspired me, but I wrote up to 5 chapters which is honestly quite a record.
Try not to cringe.
Chapter 1
Once upon a time, (ok, sorry that was a classical) there was a beautiful elve named Destiny. Ok, sorry guys the beautiful elve is, well, me! I'm Destiny Pysche. I am a woodland elve and I have a lot of things going on about me. Just like the time I'm gonna tell ya.
I looked up into the cloudy sky. "Awww man...." This was the third day I couldn't go out to play with my friends.
"Destiny," a high-class-sounding woman spoke "please stop that Human slang this instant!"
I sighed and I moaned again "Mother, it's been raining for days!"
"Can't I just take the yam leaf and go check on my pets? I pleaded
"No! Never will I let you set your dainty feet out on the damp road!"
I rolled my eyes. "She's gonna babble all day long" I thought. "Why can't I have a normal mother?!" Suddenly a blonde woman burst in.
"Your Majesty (did I mention my mother was the Queen of al elves?!)," she said breathlessly "Your daughter has been playing with a computer!!"
My mother was so furious, she said to me: "If you want to play with human things, BE a human!!"
I hate my mum. The computer is actually an invention of mine. I went to the Land of Waste (or junkyard as the humans call it) to get some scrap metal to build the laptop. I'm quite crafty with metal and with the help of magic... PRESTO! A new laptop! I have made an iPod, GBA, Nintendo DS and lots more. But alas, they were all destroyed by my nanny (the blonde woman) -- Narcissus. Remember the part where my mother said to be a human?! Well, I really want to be a human. Who would want to be an elve anyway? Espacially being a princess elve. Anyway, it's back to my story.
I took one of the beautifull decorated yam leaf and set my 'dainty' foot onto the damp gound and set off to my forest (see map) to check out my pets (see I wasn't lying!) Gosh, they were wet all over and whimpering.
I patted all of the mand left my unicorn stable and set off to Joyanne's house aka Minrara town to have a little heart to heart. Arriving at her house , I knocked at their door. A few seconds later, a chubby elve came and stared at me with irresistable eyes.
"Hello Joylivia, may I speak to Joyanne?" I asked politely.
The toothless Joylivia said" My thister isth sthleeping. You may come dacth lather!" Ungh! She's sleeping again? What did she eat?! I thanked Joylivia and went to Lilac Town.
On the way, I paused in front of my house. "Should I go in?" I said to myself. I heard footsteps coming from behind the door (I have very sharp ears). Gosh, gotta run! I went nearer to Angeline's house. I could hear a racket going on inside. From the window, I saw every one of them were male-elves. Oh of course this was the last day for the male-elve school. And Angeline has 2 brothers (and her fussy mother was on a business job).
"This is the worst day of my life!" I thought. Two of my best friends are occupied and I'm not!! It's too damp for unicorn rides and the rubbish dump will be stinky. I have nowhere else to go. Then I thought about going to the Human Land. It's a marvellous idea! I ran back home silently and went to the loo. A servant came up and knocked.
"Sorry it's occupied!!" I shouted.
The servant backed away and said: "Sorry mistress, we've been looking all over for you!"
"Well you ust haven't looked closely enough!" I snapped. "Now, leave me alone!"
I used a little bit of elve magic to change my robe into a white t-shirt with a wicked cross and a black flared mini-skirt with fishnet stockings. And of course a pair of trainers. I even added some streaks of puple and pink highlights in my hair.
I crept out of the toilet and sneaked out of the castle. I went along Psyche Road and came to the barbed wire. I knew it was impossible for the other elves to climb tihs barbed wire but I wasn't a normal elve, I am different. I climbed over the wire easily and made a handphone out of some rusty wire and stuffed it in my pocket. I set foot to the entrance and... I tripped.
And that's chapter one of this untitled story. What a cliffhanger.
I actually wrote this with a pencil on my notebook so some of it has faded a little and some of the writing imprinted itself onto some other pages.
Now to critic the heck out of young Noel.
First of all. That is not how you spell the word elf. What were you even thinking, Noel? And the worst part was I actually proofread this part when I was slightly older hence the part with the strikethrough which I obviously intended to cut off. I could cut off an entire paragraph but yet I couldn't spell the word elf properly.
There were even more misspelled words in the original 'manuscript' but to save young Noel a little bit of face I edited some of them. I left in the dumber ones though, to give you a laugh and to give myself more cringes.
And have you noticed how awful my punctuations were? I always intended to change my punctuations one day, but I didn't know how. I remember trying to refer to other storybooks but I ended up getting too distracted by the obviously much more interesting plot (and grammar too).
Whilst typing this, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at my horrible grammar. For instance:
Anyway, it's back to my story.What was that even supposed to mean? Why did I chose to string these six words together?
And my spacing. I still don't really know how to space my content, actually. Especially if there's conversation. But I made the fatal mistake of not spacing when needed thus an abnormally long paragraph.
I suppose you probably have many questions about the characters and the things that appeared in books.
First things first: I LOVE MY MUM VERY MUCH OKAY. I suppose I was going for this really strict mother who birthed a rebellious adolescent because of a strict parenting thus my character's hate for the mother in the story. Honestly, I think the term 'hate' is extremely strong and once again I question young Noel's choice of words.
I know, my character is so shallow. Back then I didn't eve know character development existed so please spare her, okay?
"Why yam leaf?" You may ask. Because technically when I was younger there used to be a yam plant in my house and it had the hugest leaf that was as big as me and I always imagined critters and woodland creatures taking shelter under it during rain. Of course, the only woodland-ish creatures around my housing area are raccoons and mice.
And I even featured Joyanne and Angeline in this story lmao I had no creativity in names and characters whatsoever. For those who didn't know, these two girls are my best primary school friends. We hung out all the time and we even wrote together. I have that story lying around somewhere too but it's kinda rude to be shown to public eye (I'm not kidding). When the story was conceived, Joyanne's younges sister, Joylivia was also coceived (btw, she's eight now?). So naturally I included her in this story. Yay originality. And Angeline has two older brothers and when we actually hang at her house, there really are lots of older boys hanging around. Oh gosh. I'm such a loser.
And about Joyanne sleeping, when we were younger, I remember her sleeping in class a lot but I'm not trying to say she's lazy, she's actually one of the most hardworking people I know. Honest.
And the technology part. Don't laugh alright. I wrote that during the mid-2000s. The GBA and Nintendo DS were things I really really wanted back then. And I have no creativity okay. Stop laughing at me.
I remember I started writing this when I was younger, but I continued writing when I was older as well. You could see the handwriting becoming neater.
Also as a bonus, I have an 'illustration' hahahahahahahahahaha sorry I couldn't get through that word without bursting into laughter. I drew out my character because I wanted to picture her better. I know. I am such a dork. And I'm not even an artist so please bear with me.
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| I NEVER WANTED TO BE AN ARTIST STOP JUDGING ME |
So, that was chapter 1. I have a few more chapters up my sleeve. Do tell me if you want to read more. I don't mind making a fool out of myself to make people laugh.
Note: I have no idea what happened in the later chapters but it is heavily focused on a boy. Must've been all the Twilight I read.
