I'll update soon. I swear. Now is just like a test run. I like that picture. Heheh. I edited it. :D

Tired Angel

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Happy Chinese New Year, peoples! :D

Apologizing for so less updates. :P I honestly don't have time...

There's Piggy Shelvin's birthday.... The Camp.... CNY... And that babi 6B Gathering where the photos are still freaking non-existent.

And after today, even more to blog about.

I'll try my best to finish it all... But I'm not promising anything. :P

Okays. Piggy is beside me. Gonna go Pik Hung's House!

CNY-ing Angel

Just Shoot Me

Hey guys. I have loads to blog, but this thing has been bugging me for the whole day, so I'm blogging about this first.

Ummm... Well, words cannot describe what I'm feeling right now. That's true.

Okay, I'll tell you a story. About what happened in school today.

Today, was extremely cloudy. I also don't know why so cloudy. I thought it was going to be a normal day. It certainly wasn't. Everything was normal during taklimat (briefing) and perhimpunan (assembly). When perhimpunan was about to end, the Form 5 AJKs called me up and said to me: 'Prepare your bullet proof vest, Noel.' I noticed that she only said that to me.

Of course I was freaking confused. So never mind, me and all the AJKs in the Prefects went into the Bilik Disiplin a.k.a. Discipline Room a.k.a. Miss Low's Room a.k.a. ROOM OF HELL. Now who wouldn't be shivering?

As we walked into the heavily air-conditioned room, my palms were freezing. When I saw Miss Low and Puan Parames sitting behind a desk, my heart plummeted 50 feet down. I had a bad feeling of what was gonna happen. I couldn't be any more correct. All of us AJK lined up in front of them, just like criminals when they are about to get shot.

And, the shooting began.

Miss Low and Puan Parames started with the questions. About the calon pengawas (Candidate Prefect). She said a load of crap about how crappy our nomination system was. She even compared us to the Pengawas Pusat Sumber!!! DAFUQ?

Then, she asked: 'Who nominated the three Malay Pengawases (Furqan, Zul and Raja Lelaki)?'

I raised my hand meekly. Then teacher went on and on and on about their discipline problems. I... Don't really wanna say what she said, but words like bad, undisciplined, fights, violence, arguments and even the word rotten flew around. I could only stand there, clutching my file tightly as the bullets shot right through me.

I was silent throughout the exchange. But I wanted to scream at her: 'STFU!!! You don't know a F*CK about them!!!' Especially when she said: 'You, pengawases only see their surface. You don't know their background. Maybe you are their friends, but nobody understands their records better than I do.'

HELLO?? TEACHER?? TEACHER MISS?? WHAT KIND OF CRAP ARE YOU GIVING ME??!!!

Oh God. I... Really... I still respect teacher, but this.... Has brought me close to the line.

And you know what? She's not the worst. The real Monster is Puan Parames. As Miss Low was shooting us about keeping her in the dark about the calon Pengawas thing, and we were all ridden with bullets, Puan Parames just sat there and stared at us one-by-one with her wide, wide Indian eyes. I find the meaningless stares creepy but when I found out that she already was informed about the calong pengawas thingy, but she never bothered to speak up!!! Not even one measly word!

And there was another case. With a Form 3 Pengawas. The girl was a total beetch. She was moving school, so she resigned. But apparently she didn't like that school so now she's back at mine. And teacher straightaway gave her a tie!!! She didn't even made her into a calon! And when we asked Puan Parames why she got to pass so easily. She gave us utter bullshit about her school-changing-situation. UTTER BULLSHIT. And she said once that we were in short of Pengawases. So if we were, then why the FACK did you fire the 3 boys??!!! Discipline problems, you said. You said you didn't want rotten apples in out Prefectorial Board. Rotten apples?! You called them that?! Speaking of Rotten Apples, look at our darling Head Prefect. Hello? Has any school had a Head Prefect who kena gantung ( was suspended) for one week?? Talk about discipline! *swears maniacally*

Teacher, you're freaking racist and bayous, face it. Even Kuha and Dhipa, who are Indian Prefects said so. You think all the Indian Prefects in out school are trash. You disgust me, teacher. PUAN PARAMES, I have lost all my respect for you. You wanna play a cat and mouse game? The whole Prefectorial Board can play it with you.

And, Furqan, Zulhilmi and Raja Lelaki, Im really really really really really sorry. :[ I had no idea whatsoever that this would happen. REALLY. I'm sorry. I really don't know what to say, what to do. I'm... Just so sorry. :[

Don't you guys dare apologize back to me, cause I don't deserve it. You guys did nothing wrong anyway.

Hopes come tumbling down. 

Once again, I'm sorry. I'm guilty. I always will be. 

I'm not going to school tomorrow. Its gonna be Chinese New Year soon and I'm gonna go back to my hometown. Gonna miss RIMUP tomorrow. Sad. 

I'm still blue. 

I'm feeling like this song now:

Shot Angel

This Is Me?

Today in school, I was chatting to a friend. He's a weird guy. We've been friends since Form 1 and we're okay.

So I was chatting with him about our blogs. (In Chinese) You can read his here <-- Clicky!
Angel said to him: 'You really should turn your comments back on.'
Kwung replied: 'Why should I?'
Angel said: 'Because I wanna comment?! I don't like commenting in the CBox, sangat susah...' (Very hard)
Kwung did his signature hand-open-I-don't-care gesture and said: 'Well, I blog because I like it. I don't have to please the whole world.'
Angel rolled her eyes at him but he continued speaking: 'I'm not like you, showing off your life with your blog.'

showing off... Showing Off... SHOWING OFF... SHOWING OFF...

After hearing him say that. I immediately got effing pissed at him and I stood up and walked away. Rude? Of course it was. But considering that we had 4 years of friendship, does he seriously not know that my blog is like my life??

Really? Am I really just showing off in my blog? Are my words that worthless? My pictures that meaningless?

Does anyone not know how long it takes me to perfect my posts? And how it utterly pisses me off when I see those Girls or Boys who gets so many followers just buy posting a few words.

I don't wanna be that popular, but to know and realize that I'm just screaming my thoughts and feelings out to a never-ending vortex that is already filled to the brim with screams from other angsty teens? Is just a freaking wake up call.

I really... Don't know who I am anymore.

We were supposed to write a Chinese essay titled: 'Who Am I?'. As usual I'm horribly stuck. If it was an English Essay, I would write pages and pages of it. Unfortunately, it was Chinese. I was thinking: 'How in the world was I supposed to jam ME into a 400 word essay. And I don't even know who I am. Isn't that what teen life is all about? Searching for who you are?'

And with those thoughts churning in my head, my pen did not move, at all. I'm so giving up on essays.

Basically, I'm just ranting.

I don't know who I am anymore. I can't find myself.

Life. 

Is so Funny. 

But. 

People make it Sad. 

So is Life 

Good?

or

Bad?

Lost Angel

Hey! Am gonna post soooooooooooon!  There's the newbie camp, piggie's birthday.... So many things to say.... so little time! :[

Short of Time Angel

Like A Bee

Oh yes I am. I am busy like a bee. BUSY BUSY BUSY!

Deadlines are killing me. :]

Its slightly enjoyable though.

With the business, I get to forget my troubles for once. Get to forget the annoying people a.k.a. BOYS in my life.

I shall prove to the world that I'm capable of doing it.

Newbie Camp, here I come! :D

You shall see me being hyper throughout the camp. Oh, I'll blog about it, for sure. ;D

(I'm the emcee for the camp. NIIIICE :P)

Deadlined Angel

Round as Ever

Random Teacher passes by our heroine and says: 'Hi Angel, long time no see!'

Angel smiles her thousand-watt smile at teacher and says cheerfully: 'Hi, teacher, long time no see, how are you?'

'Cikgu is fine, Angel,' Teacher says and then pinches her arm painfully 'You sudah chubby, yeah?' (You've gotten chubby, yeah?)

Angel kept her smile plastered onto her face and thought to herself: 'No b*itch, I've just miraculously pumped helium inside my body thus resulting in my bloated experience.' But she heroically she said to the teacher in a cheerful: 'Yeah, cikgu, saya dah chubby.'  

This is just the typical conversation with most of the people in my school. Be it students, friends or teachers. 

I'm here to tell all of you here: 

Yes, I've gained weight. Yes, I've gotten chubbier. Yes, I'VE BECOME WHAT SOME PEOPLE CALL: FAT. 

Is that what you guys wanna hear? That my fatty tissues have gone off the charts? That I binge eat almost everyday? That my school uniform is so tight it makes me feel sad when I put them on?

Well, world who hates chubby people like me, 

THIS *points upwards* is how much of a F*CK I give about what you think of me. 

I like my curvy hips. I like my round face. I may not be as pretty as I was in primary school, but at least now, I'm still as confident as ever. 

You hear that? Stop telling me I need to eat less. I will eat healthily, I will continue swimming. But if my body refuses to slim down. Just remember the F*CK I give about what you guys think of me. 

Don't like what I'm saying, anorexic people? Bulimic people? Go eat something called CHOCOLATE. Its awesome. 

ROUND AS EVER AND PROUD OF IT. 

Peace. 

Music. 

Chocolate. 

Chubby Angel

Stress is stress

Hello. How do you do? I'm fine, thank you.

Funny how that rhymes.

I have not written a word for my stories since last year (I'm not making a last year joke, since really early last year).

Why, you ask me? Hmm. I would say it was because of PMR. Cause I was focusing too much. Well, that's true. And... Laziness? Yeah. Laziness. I can't blame lack of inspiration, cause inspiration is flying past my head everyday, I just don't have the brains to nab it.

Well, I'm Form 4 now, and it seems to me that I have less time than ever. Not because I'm studying or anything. Its probably because I've been chosen to be someone important in camps and stuff (I'm trying to put this in a way that would not make me sound bragging, but I guess there's no other way to put it. :P)

I'm... Forced (?) to think of activities for camp. Okay, I'll dedicate a post for this particular matter soon, when I have the mood to blog. Enough of this crap.

I guess, I just needed to scream it out here a little bit.

I've been having constant headaches, and I feel like I'm suffocating. I don't know why. I really don't.

I honestly want to write stories, but I can't seem to get the plots and stuff right. :[ Its so sad. I feel like giving up on myself.

Story writing isn't like blogging. In story writing, you have to plot, and plan something exciting in your book. You have to be cunning. Just having good English isn't good enough. You have to think outside the box, you have to think one step ahead, like playing chess (which I always lose)... So, conclusion? I'm an Epic Fail when it comes to story writing.

Even my poems and rhymes aren't good enough. They lack depth. They lack meaning. They're too straight forward and not subtle enough. I want to be like... Well, every other famous poet in the world, but I don't get the chance to study their work. Our literature lessons in English are just too... Easy! I mean, they aren't advanced enough. I want to learn Romeo & Juliet by Shakespeare, but all I get is some poem from Macebth. *rolls eyes* They should put some of us in more advanced English classes. And we study these simple, simple uncomplicated stories. *sigh*

I guess I'm kinda done ranting. I don't even wanna I start on my piano.

Song-writing? Epic fail.

DON'T TAKE ME AWAY, STRESS

Stressed Out Angel

This One Is For The Girl

After reading my post title, I keep thinking about Nikki Minaj's Super Bass. <-- That was random.

Hi, Girl. This post is dedicated to you. :] I'm gonna be nice to you, cause I don't see the point in hating you. I used to, but maybe I grew up? I don't know. I'm not sure if you even bother to freaking read this. 

Okay. Why am I typing this? Well, I stumbled upon your blog. Not exactly 'stumbled', more like given-link-by-the-Boy-to-my-bestie-and-then-to-me. No, don't give me that unicorn look. I was curious. And it took me so long to get so curious, I should've gotten curious like, when I found out about you? Well, I didn't. Cause I didn't wanna pry. 

Anyway, I stumbled upon it, and read it, this morning. 

It was... Cool :] I like your background. It's really cool. And your English is surprisingly good (no offense, but I just assumed that people from Independent School, prefer to use Chinese and they have bad English. Shallow, right?) And you post, a lot. Which is kinda the point of blogging? Oh, and your blog name is really... Awesome. Original. 

I didn't read all of your posts (should I apologize? Hmm...), but they're quite entertaining. And Girl, you're so... Emo. And you turn to your guitar when you're sad. (These are just my own observations. I'm not judging.) 

I'm wondering, if I say that I think I'm alike you in a lot of ways, would you get pissed off and swear at me? Cause you seem to swear, a lot. Not that I don't, too. :P Cause if maybe we hadn't such an awkward relationship, and circumstances see us well, we may actually be friends. #justthinkingoutsidethebox 

Uhh, well, you're a Christian, and you're really faithful. Which is really sweet. For God, of course (I'm a Catholic). 

And, yay, you play guitar! *salutes* I don't have much female friends who play guitar and I'm really happy when I find a Guitar Chick. :] 

And you're a Little Black Star like me! Avril Rocks! -\m/

And... Well, you seem to dislike me. I mean, from what I've read. 

I read the one where you said your Daddy told you not to steal other people's things, so now you're giving him back. Uhh, well... The Boy is not a thing, Girl. He's a person. You can't just 'give back' a person. That's kinda like passing on a toy you're tired of playing to someone else. And the toy is now, broken. Well, he is, isn't he? He's broken. And so damn confused. And so damn angry. 

And I don't want him back. Sorry to disappoint you, and your act of kindness, but yeah.Feelings are hard to erase, as you are experiencing it right now. But no, I really don't want him back. He's a great friend, made me laugh, made me giggle, made me smile. He made my primary school life beautiful. But I'm not in primary school anymore, and I've realized I need to move on. 

I don't wanna lose a friend, as I am losing him right now. But hey. Its too late. Friendship is lost. Peace is lost. 

*shrugs* 

Well, sorry to waste your time, reading all this crap about what I think you are. But hey. I needed to say this, or else I would burst from over-thinking. :] Hope you understand. 

Oh yeah, See you at Avril's Concert? Fate shall decide. 

And... I kinda want to follow your blog, for no particular reason but cause I like reading blogs... Can I? 

If you're reading this, comment? You can scold me back if you found it offending. 

Whoopsie. I may have started a war. 

And yes, I am crazy for doing this. But you know, I just wanted to.

I'll smile at you. :]

Don't Know What She's Doing Angel

First Day of School 2012

Hey Humans! If you stalk my blog, you may realize that today is the First Day Of School!!! *confetti*

Oh gosh, that was so unbearably lame that even I'm ashamed.

I had fun at school, today. Which isn't surprising. I'll start from the top.

Well, I had less than an hour's sleep before my alarm woke me. Well, why? I was planning to sleep at 11pm, but apparently The Boy thought it was fine to send me a message just as I was about to drop into dreamland. How convenient. And soon after I received his message we had a vicious fight rational argument... I'm not gonna type the full conversation here, but he made me so, so mad that I wanted to smash something to his head. I have never had a row with him in our many years of *ahem* friendship. Seriously. And this is the first time he has actually irked up my anger so much I really wanted to smack something in his pretty face.

Oh, and I stayed up till 4am, finishing the book: Silence by Becca Fitzpatrick. I didn't really wanna finish it in one freaking night. But I did. Cause I couldn't sleep and I was trying to tire myself out. And I didn't even feel tired even after finishing the whole damn book. *grinds teeth*

Okay, okay. This is boring. Back to the point. 


So, less than an hour's sleep. Amazingly, I was really, really energized when I woke up! At 5.30am!!! I did the bathroom stuff and was surprised that Bro woke up a few minutes after me. And blah blah blah. Ate a quarter of my breakfast (too hot, and Bro was pacing around like a madman), used my Christmas Bottle (couldn't reach my old one [yes, I'm too short]) and climbed onto Bro's car.

And... He dropped me off at my school first. He paused as I was getting out and said: 'Uhh, do you think we may be a little too early?' We both eyed the clock: 6am. I gave him the evil eye and walked into the dark, dark school.

The waiting for my babes to reach part was boring, so I shall fast forward to taklimat (briefing). *Fast Forward*


Taklimat was hell. The juniors were blur. And I'm not judging Hew Chun Fei, our current Ketua Pengawas, but honestly, he's just charms but no do. He talks as if he's slightly retarded (sorry, but its true, from my point of view)... His Malay isn't fluent like the last Ketua, Ho Khoon Meng *sighs*.

Anyway. Usual crap at taklimat. I shall be a mean Penolong Ketua Kumpulan this year. :D

Perhimpunan was hell, as usual. But I think I did my job well? :P Whatever lah. Imma be shutting them up tommorow.

Don't like my class. I'm floating again. You can read the details here <-- Clicky! But Shelvin, Ashley and Dhipa is same class with me though. That's a bit of consolation. :D But Joyanne isn't! *sobs floods* Must be the stupid curse.

And the teachers are okay. I missed meeting my form teacher, sadly. But my Bio teacher, Pn. Lim H.J., seems pretty nice and cute. She doesn't get my teasing though. Dang.

Recess was hell. SO MANY STUDENTS. But we pulled through.

And after recess there was this briefing by the teachers, telling us about the streams were choosing, I'm in Pure-Science, what I wanted. It was supposed to be meaningful, but our school hall was too damn small and apparently had no freaking shade. So we were pleasantly seared under the beautiful morning sunshine. *claps hands adorably*

It was during the briefing that Joyanne told me about The Boy and Girl's thingies. Whatever they are. I have a slight memory loss. I don't really remember the story and there's no point in typing them here cause I would just make up most of it myself with my freaking wild imagination. :P Oh, and Joyanne thinks the Girl stalks me. *waves at Girl* Hi Girl! :D If you are reading this, you're officially a stalker. *Maniacal laugh* She must think me crazy. I am, Girl. :D Must be the heat.

Well, uhh. *Skip skip skip*

I officially hate my Moral teacher. She's a total b*tch.

She strode into our lab (floating class!) like a Queen and she glared at all of us. Then she started ranting on and on and on and on:
'You know how long I've been waiting in 5 Lili 2?! I've been waiting for one whole hour! And suddenly another class strides in and says they want to use the classroom?!'

She went on and on.

Oh, did I mention that she was thin and wiry and so was her voice? No one could hear her cause it was the last period and the whole school was hyped up about going home. Noise everywhere.

So one guy in the table behind me raised his hand and said: 'Teacher, sorry, but can you speak louder, we can't hear you.' He was so polite. You know what the b*tch replied with?! She said: 'Then you come in front and listen to me there.'

Oh yeah, and did I mention she was using Chinese throughout the whole thing? It was considered disrespectful to Ash and Dhipa and the other non-Chinese friends. So, I raised up my hand and said in my loud voice: 'Teacher, can not use Chinese? There are people in this class who don't understand Chinese.' I was sooooo polite too.

That *swear word* b*tch rolled her eyes at me and said impatiently: 'Then YOU translate for them!'

WHAT THE BLOODY F*CK F*CK F*CK F*CK F*CK??!! 


I felt like smacking her thin pale face. She's a disgrace too us girls with centre-partings.

Thank God she was saved by the stupid bell.

Next Moral lesson, war will happen. You have my word. I will not tolerate such b*tchiness from another teacher. Hmph.

And my First Schoolday of 2012 ended in scorching heat.

Honestly, it was fun. I enjoyed it. #NERDTALK xD

Hope tommorow will be more exciting!

Let me bore you to death with the Vision and Mission of our school *evil laugh*

And I don't think I'll update as many posts as I did during the holidays so I apologize in advance.

I love all of you who are reading this. Ahahaha. #random

Love.

Peace.

Chocolate.

Schooling Angel

Because I Like Going To School

Hey Humans. Sorry for the last two Emo posts yesterday. I didn't mean to drag your spirits down too. Sorry.

Okay. Noticed some changes in the background of my blog? I changed it to fireworks, cause I seriously feel the need, the want, and the crave to fly up to the sky and burst into colorful sparks, giving people hope and relighting their dreams.

Yeah. I'm thinking too much. My blog just seems weird. I feel like changing the whole damn thing, starting from a blank white paper. But yeah... It's impossible to do so (just an excuse for being lazy). So, you'll just have to bear the weirdness of my blog till I have another mood change and decide to change it.

Okay, I've closed the Facebook tab on my browser cause Facebook is honestly too boring. Too many cam-whores asking people to like their stuff... Ugh. *rolls eyes* And I'm focusing on Twitter instead cause not much of my friends use it and I can tweet any crap I want.

The thing I've noticed both Social Networks, everyone is stressing out about going back to school.

P/S: Our new school year doesn't start in September like most countries. We start a new school year after New Year. So its a little weird, but its how we live.

And I'm like:

Face it people, if you don't go to school, your parents are going to jail.

I think I'm one of those weird people who actually loves school. I mean, I'm not in love with my school, its downright crappy. But the idea of going to school can make me smile.

I can prove it.

Some of you may know, I have a brother. And my brother is currently in Form 6 (that's something like Pre-U but I don't wanna go into details). Which means, he still has to wear a uniform and go to school. He's now in Upper-6th which means he's a badass at school. :P #wegotabadassoverhere!

And since young, we have had a clash of Morning Sessions and Afternoon Sessions (not gonna go in detail, but Standard 123 [Primary School] and Remove and Form12 [Secondary School] usually Afternoon Session whereas Standard 456 and Form 3456 is usually Morning Session) My brother and I are 3 years apart, and I'm in Form 4 now and just do the stupid math.

So, last year and this year and a few years back, we were in Morning Session together (different schools).. It was... Interesting. :D When I'm up, I usually get my energy once I wash my face. But my brother? He's a different story altogether. He wakes up. Brushes. Bathes. And stares at his food. He doesn't eat cause he can't. And I? I can gobble up like... A freakin' huge breakfast every morning. Maybe that's why he's so freakin' thin??? OMG. And I think I have the energy to sing in the morning. Sing and hum and do crazy stuff early in the morning (5am)!

Anyways, he hates school, I love school. And tommorow he's taking me to school. Hope we wake up in time. (Not kidding)

And? I'm seriously looking forward to going back to school. I'm Form 4 now, more challenges for me to face. Its the year I try to nab my chance in getting the Ketua Pengawas (Head Prefect) spot on the Prefectorial Board. :] #tryingmyhardest!!1 Its the year when most of the school responsibilities get pushed onto us because we're turning 16 this year. Yay. Growing up.

Okay... This post is boring without any photos. So I'll make you laugh at/with me instead.

Nerdy fact about me:

• I finished packing my bags before 2012 even started.
• I have actually planned a scheme into nabbing the Ketua Pengawas spot.
• I have fantasies of camps and stuff that will never happen.
• I have fantasies of me on stage, with the whole school singing along with me... But with the effects of a concert. (Weird, right?)
• I try to go to school even if I'm sick. 
• I can't live without breaking a rule no matter where I am.
• I have never been terrified of a teacher, unless its Mdm. Heng, my primary school teacher. 
• I... Shall never get a boyfriend after telling the whole world those things above. 

Yeah. I'm such a freaking nerd. I'll continue being a freaking nerd cause I like it too much.

Whoa. I found some photos with me at school. Its Nerdy. I'm Nerdy.

Because I Like Going To School.

:]

Peace

Love.

Joy.

Chocolate.

Nerdy Angel

This helped, a lot. :]

The Boy Problem

Hey, humans. Its a really really beautiful day outside.

Sun is shining, 

You can practically smell the sunshine!

This is the kind of day that people write in songs. Well... That ain't happening today, surely. I honestly should be outdoors... Doing... Exercise? 

Instead, I'm at home. Sitting in front of the computer. And the TV. On the couch. 9Gagging. 

God, I'm such a failure. 

Okaaaay. I guess you read the post title... And I shall talk. 

For those who stalk me on Twitter, you may already have realized that I have received a wall post from 'The Boy', after watching him being online for what... 3 to 4 hours? I finally got a wall post from 'The Boy'! It was pretty lame, 

I was like: 'Oh my *swear word* *swear word* *swear word* *swear word* *swear word*-ing *swear word* What the *swear word*?!' (Joyanne can vouch for that)

And... I didn't have time to reply him. I went swimming. Well, I was freaking out too. I couldn't even focus while I was swimming. I was stressing out all through the swim. I left it... Till 1am... Right before I was about to sleep. Well, I couldn't sleep. I was thinking too much about the freaking wall post. So I sneaked downstairs to reply your post. 

You posted this on my wall:

Happy New Year

and sorry didn't even say hi.

I typed that exactly the way you typed it. 

And I replied with:

Hi, Happy New Year.

Yeah, I feel like a mean b*tch. I felt like I had had the last laugh. 

But you know the funny thing? I still couldn't sleep even after that. I was twisting and turning in my bed. Thinking if I was too harsh. If I was too kind. If I didn't do enough. If I did too much. 

That was utter hell for me. 

I was so, so... Happy. I was... So... Delighted. My heart was thudding with the adrenaline that was there when I first fell for you so many years ago. The hormones, they wouldn't stop conquering my body. That you had actually remembered my existence!

But

Now it's all gone. 

Joyanne said you posted something on your GirlFriend's wall. And it was all whiny and capital letters and with a lot of TTs <-- Tears. 

Naturally, I was really, really curious. So, my babe gave me her password and I logged into her Facebook account. I was actually quite relieved that it had not much difference when I viewed it. BUT. I saw his post on his GirlFriend's wall. 

And I made the biggest mistake of my life. I clicked The Girl's profile. 

She had Timeline. She uses okay English. She plays Tetris Battle. And apparently, she's dating the hottest guy. (I apologize, Girl, if I don't quote you properly because I can't seem to force myself to type out your name and click your profile link.) 

Fine. I'll swallow that. I'll swallow the fact that you're his GirlFriend. I'll swallow the fact that you're hopelessly in love. I'll swallow that he loves you back. I'll swallow that you're shy enough to not put your own face as your profile picture. 

Whatever, Noel. Swallow it. Swallow the poison. Swallow the fire. Swallow the jagged pieces of glass. 

And the only thing which is really, really, really pissing me off, is the fact that I may bump into The Girl in Avril Lavigne's Black Star Tour. 

And, what the bloody *swear word*?! She bought the most expensive tickets! 

Okay. I can't type properly anymore. The emotions are eating me up. Rage? Fury? Jealousy? Unfairness? 

What I wanna say to you, Girl: 

'I wont try anymore. I wont try to love him anymore. You can have him. All of him. As if I even had any of him. I don't think I even wanna be his friend anymore.'

Now, I shall go to my room, and tell myself that I don't love you anymore. The speck of hope that was there was smothered, just like every other time. That... I'm unworthy of you. That I'm crap. That I wont cry for you when tears are streaming down my face.

I shall write a song. That will never take shape. 

I lost. I lost. I lost. I lost. I lost. I lost. I lost. I lost. I lost. I lost. I lost. I lost.I lost. I lost. I lost. I lost. I lost. I lost.I lost. I lost. I lost. I lost. I lost. I lost.I lost. I lost. I lost. I lost. I lost. I lost.I lost. I lost. I lost. I lost. I lost. I lost. 

Lies. All of them. Lies. 

Why do you have to rip me apart, wing by wing, everytime?

Broken-Winged Angel

2012 New Year's Resolutions

We ran through the streets,

Screaming like utter looners,

We ran and ran, 

An energy in our souls that was unstoppable...

We are young. 

We are crazy. 

WE ARE THE MOST AWESOME OF THEM ALL! 

I'm not kidding, I spent my New Year like that. 

This is the first post in 2012 :] 

I am gonna share my resolutions with you guys. Yes, I'm slightly drunk now, but I'll try my best, yeah? ;D

1. Shake off my laziness... Well, at least towards my school stuff... I'll work hard this year! I'm Form 4 now, its my year to prove to everyone, that ADD MATHS will not bring me down! ;]
2. Try to nab the Ketua Pengawas (Head Prefect) spot! Show to everyone that I can lead! 
3. Try to be at least a little useful in the scouts? Pretty please, Noel?
4. Try to make a decent cover with my babe, Joyanne. It has to be better than... *ehem, ehem* ;D
5. Stay friends with my friends. Try not to fight again, with my beautiful friends... :] 
6. Enjoy the hell out of this year!
7. Rock out at Avril Lavigne's Black Star Tour! With Phuah Shelvin! :]
8. Love my family... Well, at least try? :P
9. Write stories, decent ones, that will go into the school magazines, and win me some competitions... Well, mostly write with my heart and soul. <3
10. Win school competitions! Win ALL those trophies! *evil laugh!*
11. Continue writing songs. Songs that I think are good enough to share on YouTube with the world!
12. Get myself a boyfriend? Hahaha! I'm gonna be 16 in precisely half a year... *wink, wink* Nah, I shouldn't. No guy will ever be awesome enough for me... (THAT WAS AN AWFUL JOKE!!! Did I mention I was drunk?!)
13. Forget that loser. Well, I just want a sincere apology, since its new year. I wanna forget but you don't seem to be making this easy. 
14. Smile, lots. Smile to those who need my smile. Smile to those who deserve it. 
15. Conquer the world with music. <3

Well, that's about it! 

I hope that I will at least make at least half of it true? At least?  :]

May God bless everyone in this world. 

May my heart be open. 

May my Guardian Angel continue Guarding me. 

And may I continue Guarding everyone else in my life. 

I love this world. Even if it's dark and disgusting.

BABY I'M A FIREWORK!

Love. 

Peace. 

Joy. 

Faith. 

Credits to the beautiful Teressa Arrais 

2012 Angel