Shut UP you filthy SCUMs

I met a bunch.

ONE BUNCH of filthy scums.

They were disgusting.

It happened at Tuesday.
It was raining. Well, the worst was over during recess but it still was drizzling when we went back home.
I was walking as fast as I could cuz I didn't wanna get sick or anything.
Then, in front of me, there was a Peralihan (Remove) guy.
His appearance was disgusting.
He was only up to my chest considering him 13 years old and I was already considered short with my only 153 cm height.
He was dark and spindly. His ruffled untucked shirt two sizes too big for him. His green school pants were too long and held up tightly by a belt.
He liked swearing and spitting on the ground.
He walked with a swagger.
On top of all that, he thinks he's cool.

There I was. Minding my own business. My van was visible. All I had to do was to get closer to confirm the number plate and cross the road to get over there.

At than moment. He turned around and saw me. His reaction?

‘冤枉啊！你看那个懒屎的 Pengawas 啊！每天懒屎懒屎我们！’
‘是咯！是咯！这样懒屎的 Pengawas 去死都不如！！’
He let loose a torrent of swear words.
‘懒屎懒样!! LCLY!! Nah!!’
Then he showed me his middle finger.

Translation:
'Yan wong a! See that LC (means proud or arrogant) Pengawas!! Everyday LC us!!'
'Yala! yala! This kind of LC pengawas is better off dead!'
Swear words. 
'LCLY!! Nah!!'

Little boy, I am here to tell you.
Do not show the middle finger to someone who's middle finger is longer than yours.
Your swear words mean nothing  to me.
I don't give a damn what gang you're in.
Go back home and suck your mama's milk.
I can imagine your future for you.
I don't think I'll see you for long.
I'm warning you.
Do that to me again and you'll regret it forever.
Cheers! =]

Mmmm...

Whoops...


Haven't update you for so long... I feel kinda sorry... =[


Ok! Update on my life...


First of all... 
School!
School's ok... 
Errmm... Nothing special...
Well, I missed out a lot on scout activities...
I remember once. 
It wasn't too long ago. 
Rabbit (nickname) came into my class. She held a pass. And started jabbering away that she wanted to see James and Pik Hung. 
Naturally I was surprised. there was no connection between them... Unless... Its scouts. So they both went out. 
*Chilling out in class.* 
Pik Hung and James returned, both of them breathless and a little dirty. 
I asked Pik Hung:'Whoa. What you did?'
She grumbled:'Went and moved the buluh (bamboo)'
My eyes opened wide. 
'Why didn't they asked me go?' I sounded disappointed. Well, of course I did. I felt left out. 
'Oh. They forgot.'
I think I must have exploded slightly. 
'What?! They forgot?! How could they forget?? Do they still treat me as a freaking scout?!'
'The juniors wrote the passes. They didn't mean to do it...'
I think that made me even more mad. But then my mood shifted to sad and disappointment. 
I couldn't believe it. 
REALLY. 
Do they honestly still treat me as a scout??


Pause.


Do I still treat myself as a scout?


YES


but.


Honestly, I really have been missing out a lot... 


meetings, gatherings, duty...


Yeesh. You must be really tired. Hearing me grumble about scouts... =[


I'm just really pissed that even the juniors don't know who I am... *sadness*


Ok. Enough about that....


Oh yeah! Something interesting I wanna share. 
I got 8 1/2 marks out of 19 for my Cathecism class. 
Shitty right?
I never memorized the Apostle's Creed. 
So I just put one:'I believe' there. 
Yeah. Sucked. I know. 


Well, thats about it. 


I have loads to say... but sometimes you just can't say it out!!! 


I think I'm LOOSING MY MIND!!

Laziness

I'm so freaking lazy even I'm ashamed of myself.

Lazy...

Homework...
Blogging...

This Tuesday was torture.

Ha.

I thought that I escaped the torture of teacher revealing the results during assembly. But obviously I was wrong.

I looked onto the stage, my heart filled with dread. The teacher was already holding the mike. I looked around. Searching for a route to escape. Goddamnit. I was trapped by my Kekwa students. I sighed inwardly and braced myself.

She announced the first place, then the second. Working her way down the list. Then she announced the two form one'ians who beat me. I swore to rip their guts out. Then she said it. My name. Along with the 5th place. I winced. And sighed. I needed... A friend. So I started walking out of my duty place and towards my pals.

Along the way, the juniors said:'Wow! You got 5th place! Congratulations!!'
I smiled at them.
Inside, my heart was really swimming in not tears, but poison.

I was totally humiliated.

Then, she repeated it again. In Chinese!
Like I wasn't humiliated enough.
Now the most of the people knows my chinese name. ****
I don't hate you, teacher, but don't make me do it.

Dammit.

Everyone thinks I did a good job n getting 5th place.

**** ya'll to Hell

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Am So Disappointed With Myself...

Yeah. I am. I'm unhappy.

I entered a chinese speech competition. I mean, I like it cuz I'm good at it... At least that was what I thought.

Ok. I know I wasn't prepared. But... I was really really confident. Probably because I never failed to lose. True. I don't like to loose. I never did. I... I... don't really believe it. Don't know what I'm talking about? Ok. I'll tell you...

It was yesterday.
I went to school for QM duty. 7.30-10.00. Then, went to library. Then, when 1.00pm came, I went to the classroom which they were holding the competition. I walked in without fear with A and S. We chatted with everyone there... BLAH BLAH BLAH

I was really chilling out. I mean, I had nothing to be afraid of. Ok, maybe I was a little scared of saying it wrong but I didn't really care... I was just there fooling around with my friends. Then, it started.

I wasn't scared. I was still fooling around. I even laughed at some of the juniors. I thought it was funny. Now, I don't really think so.

Halfway through, A and S excused themselves cuz they wanted to buy some drinks. Ok, I let them go cuz I thought my turn wasn't coming yet.

Then, after they left, and after the contestant finished speeching, they announced that it was my turn. Obviously I was shocked. I hadn't expected it to be my turn so fast. But I didn't let it bother me. I took a deep breath and stood in front of the judges confidently and started speeching. It went quite smoothly. I didn't say anything wrong, my actions were ok, I looked every judges in the eye, I was oozing with confidence.

After my turn, I kept fooling around. It was really boring there. I didn't bother to listen except for those strong ones. And they were quite good.

Anyway, after the competition, I was anxious to know the results. Duh, who wouldn't? But the teacher said that she would tell us the results next week. Ok, that was fine by me.

FAST FORWARD

Ring!!!

The bell rang for the end of the school. I slipped into my shoes (I was in Kemahiran Hidup just now) and walked out of the main gate heading for my van. It had a slight distance. I met up with Ei Ling on my way there. I smiled at her and we started chatting.

Then, she asked me: 'Do you know the chinese speech results? You got number 5'
I really was a bit shocked at first. So I said:'Oh. Really? What about you?'
'I got 2nd place.'
'First place?'
'Yin Yi'
'Ohhh... So? How you knew?'
'The president of the chinese club who organized this competition told me'
'Ohhh'
'Don't be sad la...' She consoled me. 'Competition is like this one la...' (Or at least she said something like that? My brain was too messed up to remember)
I gave a small laugh. 'Hehe... Its nothing la. I will just kill all the people who beat me...' I joked.
She gave an unsure laugh.
Then. I don't remember what she said anymore. We parted.

I didn't like the fact that I got a mere 5th place. I may sound like bitter. But I don't care. Its the truth. Why should I try to hide what I feel??
I do not like the bitter taste of loosing.
I have never lost. Especially a chinese speech competition.
Last year. I got 2nd place. Now? 5th. Thats total shit.
I don't know what happened.
Should I care?
Don't want to.
I feel like a failure.
I feel so sorry.
To Madam Heng... She was my trainer. She trained me to win. But now? 5th place. What an insult.
I feel so empty.
I like going for competitions. Because I like to win.
But, I really really really felt confident that I could win this.
My chinese is not good. That is a fact. But when I go for chinese speech competition... I feel that at least I can give something to chinese... Now?
I don't wanna give up on Chinese. I really really don't.
I'm loosing loosing loosing
CONFIDENCE

I wanna cry.