Everything is in a mess. I'm having Trials now. I'm supposed to be cool and composed. Able to answer every single question thrown at me with explicit grace and composure.
But instead I just stay up late every single night before exam, trying to cram every single detail about the definition of electromagnetic wave, how to draw a histogram, dy/dx, what did Opu Daeng Menambun and his brothers do, moral values I've learned from a Children's book, how to translate something Chinese from a thousand years ago to something Chinese now, how did Islam come about to Southeast Asia, the definition of love, rational, willing to sacrifice for your country and rights of handicapped people.
I've gotten used to headaches and drowsiness. And the crazy need of completing the syllabus before having two hours of sleep every single dawn and vomiting everything out the next day then feeling like a complete failure because I couldn't answer the question the way I wanted it eventhough I could remember reading it, remember the page, remember the colour on the page, remember how the page looks like, remember the boxes on the page, remember the topic branch but I cannot remember the answers. And it's so frustrating because I remember but I just can't remember. And then your friends say they don't know either. And you feel better. But you know that they'll still get better results than you at the end of the day. And you just feel frustrated at yourself.
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I just finished reading Perks Of Being a Wallflower. I don't really know how to describe it.
Powerful. Beautiful. Lyrical. Goosebumps. Raw. Thought-provoking. Real. Wow.
It was like a cool refreshing stream. You jump inside, slightly shocked by the coldness of the water, and then you just follow it downstream where it leads to this vast lake of clarity and doodles.
Not that that made any sense.
I want to thank my bestest friend in the world for buying me a copy of this book. And KenYee for buying me another one because I lost my first copy. I'm literally surrounded by amazing people. I might start sobbing my head off like Charlie next.
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| I'll do a proper review soon (post SPM) |
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"Don't look too heavily upon your exam marks." Mum said as I was telling her about how badly I did in exams today, "just know you did your best."
It's very motivational, but in our education system, marks are everything.
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I don't wanna learn for the sake of exams. I just wanna learn for the sake of learning. To know. To expand my mind. To expose myself. Not to just get a certificate people cheatsteallieburnhouses for.
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Ew, I'm doing my emotional ranting again. I can't seem to stop. I guess this is just how I blog.
So I found this video on Youtube. It's really inspiring. It's those videos that you must watch when you feel like sh*t. When you feel like the most fat and ugly person on Earth. Unloved and useless. I know I have those kind of days. So you must too. So yeah, go watch it okay?
Current Mood: Post Perks of Being a Wallflower and Feel Good 101 high
My emotions dip and soar like a roller coaster. I'm sorry if what I wrote up there was too depressing.
I have days where I feel amazing, happy, loved and infinite. I want everyday to be like that.
Stay strong. Not just me. You too. If you're taking your SPM this year, do your best. Push yourself. A few more days and it'll be over. Even if you're not, you're just having a bad day, it's okay. Even the brightest of stars flicker once in a while. Just take a deep breath and throw all the negativity away to the blue blue skies and count your blessings. If you're still not okay, come and talk to me. There's a reason you're here on my blog -- call it fate, call it destiny, I'll be your shoulder to cry on and keep you in my prayers. You just need to remember to keep your chin up ;
BECAUSE WE ALL ARE INFINITE
Peace and Love,
Infinite Angel ∞
