Thursday, 12 September 2013

The Trials Essay

Future 


Dear children,
Who would have known that the Unicorns would be our saviour?

The memory is as clear as crystal. The year was 2313. I was only 5 years old. Born into a world where  colours don't exist anymore. Everything was in shades of browns and greys. The world was desolate and barren, new life was instantly swept away by the swirling tornadoes and icy blizzards.

Everyday we woke up to ash and dust. A different hill, a different patch of dead grass, but ash and dust, they are the same. Like all the other tribes, we too were nomads. Walking on and on when the Orange Star started to sink beneath the horizon, seeking shelter or food if any. We don't need maps of any sort because everywhere we go, it is the same. Shells of concrete, abandoned, plastic devices littering the floor, crushed by the past, satellites above our heads, frozen in orbit.

The people were the same too. Not a single hair on our bodies - what's the use for them anyway? Bathrooms were something of the past - eyes a pale grey, cheeks sunken, teeth rotted away, lips cracked and barely visible, donning rags and scraps of fabric scavenged from wherever we sheltered. Why did we still cover our skeletal frames, I did not understand. Perhaps it was to cover up the tumours and multi-hue rashes, dotted all around our bodies. Or was it that modesty still remained?

Seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years ticked by. But we did not die. We could not die. Our bodies had grown immune to death probably because we were surrounded by death all the time. We amused ourselves with tales from the time before; when our kind danced and sang songs of praise to green things called 'trees' and colourful things called 'flowers'. They said that once the world was beautiful, vibrant, bursting with life. But those were just bedtime stories so that we could sleep better knowing our has beens.

Perhaps it was that slight comfort, that slight hope that lead us to the Unicorns.

We were wandering about as usual, the Other-Orange-Star-That-Did-Not-Light was high up in the sky, round and full, illuminating our way. We stopped by another concrete shell, split up to search for anything edible and started to settle down till the Orange Star rose up again.

I wandered off to an unknown territory, drawn by a smell I cannot fathom. What met my eyes was a sight so glorious, so wonderful it still puts a smile to my face when I recall.

A lush field of green, green grass dotted with colours I have only ever dreamt of. Flowers, these things are called, flowers. They filled the air with a pleasant scent that lured me to take a deep breath and fill my sore lungs with it's nectar.

A single structure stood tall and proud in the middle of the field, it looked like an umbrella. Fascinated and curious, I slowly made my way across the field, towards the tree. The green grass withered ever so slightly when my bare feet came in contact with it but I was too mesmerized to take notice.

As I reached the structure, I placed my hands on it's firm and rough surface. Instantly, I felt rejuvenated, my hunger gone, my thirst quenched, tiredness evaporated. I felt alive!

It was at this moment I heard a 'clickety-clackety' sound. As I turned around, I was brought to my knees as the beautiful creature before me trotted to a halt and stood tall and proud before me. It's body was pure white, whiter than the virgin snow, and it's mane was an array of colours, glistening and changing hues as it breathed in and out. But the most magnificent thing was not the beast's body, but it's horn. Standing at 1 metre long, it was the colour of mother-of-pearls with a swirling patter delicately engraved.

I knew it was a unicorn. I just knew.

"Dear child," the voice of the Unicorn boomed in my head. "We have been waiting for all of you."

It was then time went into hyper drive. The Unicorns explained to what's left of us humans that they were magical creatures from The Other Side. They were sent here, to save us as we were facing extinction. They touched us, one-by-one, with their horns and instantly, we changed; hair grew from our heads, our slight frames filled out, our eyes were restored to a dash of vibrant colour. We were human once again.

The Unicorns left us with the knowledge of agriculture. Little did we know, these were the things that we had lost through endless years of pollution, of destruction, of war. The Unicorns also left us with the culture and art that we thought had been stolen away by our ignorance and carelessness.

The Unicorns restored our humanity. They made us realize that we brought destruction upon our own selves. They made us understand that there was more to life than just roaming around with no purpose. They showed us that Faith and Dreams has always been alive in this desolate land, patiently waiting for us to explore it like it's never been explored before.

Dear Children,
This is not a bedtime story. Do not walk down that same path. This may be our future.


This is my Trials essay. I don't like how it turned out. It is definitely wince worthy. I didn't have enough time. Towards the end, it became a bit nonsensical and ranty. I cringe.

However, I managed to score 49/50. What? I didn't even liked this essay that much. My Midterm essay was so much more better (you can read it here). Judge for yourself.

Update: I guess I should clarify, that this is not 100% my Trials essay. Of course, within the time limit, I made some grammar/spelling mistakes. And also, I've changed some parts of the last paragraphs, made it nicer and not too maniacal (because I had to literally write non-stop towards the end when my time ran out, what with my Maths teacher knocking on my table to remind me that I am too slow). So thank you for the lovely support and comments guys, I really appreciate it. I just wanted to make myself clear. 

I don't wanna talk about my Trials results. I've improved for every subject, but not as much as I liked. As my friends all score A's and A pluses, I'm here trying to be happy with my B plus.

I hate it when they get super pissed or emo when they get lower marks than what they expected. Am I supposed to feel sorry for them? Or am I supposed to feel sorry for myself because I am not up to their standards.

I know I shouldn't compare, I shouldn't complain, but there is so much rage inside of me. I don't know where to place it besides here.

And I'm going to fail Add Maths again. Even though I tried really really really fcuking hard to make it work this time. It didn't. Well. I don't know if I should laugh or cry, really.

Hah.

POSITIVITY, NOEL. POSITIVITY.

Remind me to read this after SPM. I want to laugh at ranting Noel. Really.

I don't think I'll have a chance to update this anymore. SPM kan?

I miss my brother.

Farewell, dear blog. Till we meet again.

Wants to Cry but Cannot Cry Because Life is Weird Like That Angel

Thursday, 29 August 2013

We All Are Inifinite ∞

I'm tired. Really exhausted. I'm not allowed to complain. But I want to. There is this whiny child inside of me who just wants to rip out of this flabby teenager shell and kickcrypunchscreamsobthrowabigtantrum at everyone. Even the people who truly care for me.

Everything is in a mess. I'm having Trials now. I'm supposed to be cool and composed. Able to answer every single question thrown at me with explicit grace and composure.

But instead I just stay up late every single night before exam, trying to cram every single detail about the definition of electromagnetic wave, how to draw a histogram, dy/dx, what did Opu Daeng Menambun and his brothers do, moral values I've learned from a Children's book, how to translate something Chinese from a thousand years ago to something Chinese now, how did Islam come about to Southeast Asia, the definition of love, rational, willing to sacrifice for your country and rights of handicapped people.

I've gotten used to headaches and drowsiness. And the crazy need of completing the syllabus before having two hours of sleep every single dawn and vomiting everything out the next day then feeling like a complete failure because I couldn't answer the question the way I wanted it eventhough I could remember reading it, remember the page, remember the colour on the page, remember how the page looks like, remember the boxes on the page, remember the topic branch but I cannot remember the answers. And it's so frustrating because I remember but I just can't remember. And then your friends say they don't know either. And you feel better. But you know that they'll still get better results than you at the end of the day. And you just feel frustrated at yourself.

**********

I just finished reading Perks Of Being a Wallflower. I don't really know how to describe it. 

Powerful. Beautiful. Lyrical. Goosebumps. Raw. Thought-provoking. Real. Wow. 

It was like a cool refreshing stream. You jump inside, slightly shocked by the coldness of the water, and then you just follow it downstream where it leads to this vast lake of clarity and doodles. 

Not that that made any sense. 

I want to thank my bestest friend in the world for buying me a copy of this book. And KenYee for buying me another one because I lost my first copy. I'm literally surrounded by amazing people. I might start sobbing my head off like Charlie next. 
I'll do a proper review soon (post SPM)

**********

"Don't look too heavily upon your exam marks." Mum said as I was telling her about how badly I did in exams today, "just know you did your best." 

It's very motivational, but in our education system, marks are everything. 

**********

I don't wanna learn for the sake of exams. I just wanna learn for the sake of learning. To know. To expand my mind. To expose myself. Not to just get a certificate people cheatsteallieburnhouses for.

**********

Ew, I'm doing my emotional ranting again. I can't seem to stop. I guess this is just how I blog. 

So I found this video on Youtube. It's really inspiring. It's those videos that you must watch when you feel like sh*t. When you feel like the most fat and ugly person on Earth. Unloved and useless. I know I have those kind of days. So you must too. So yeah, go watch it okay? 



Current Mood: Post Perks of Being a Wallflower and Feel Good 101 high

My emotions dip and soar like a roller coaster. I'm sorry if what I wrote up there was too depressing. 

I have days where I feel amazing, happy, loved and infinite. I want everyday to be like that. 


Stay strong. Not just me. You too. If you're taking your SPM this year, do your best. Push yourself. A few more days and it'll be over. Even if you're not, you're just having a bad day, it's okay. Even the brightest of stars flicker once in a while. Just take a deep breath and throw all the negativity away to the blue blue skies and count your blessings. If you're still not okay, come and talk to me. There's a reason you're here on my blog -- call it fate, call it destiny, I'll be your shoulder to cry on and keep you in my prayers. You just need to remember to keep your chin up ; 

BECAUSE WE ALL ARE INFINITE


Peace and Love, 

Infinite Angel ∞ 

Saturday, 10 August 2013

Everything Is A Blur

I didn't want this post to be rant-y and disorganised but I guess that's how Noel rolls.

If you are observant or is my undying fan, you would've noticed that I have updated the photos below my blog, which includes all the people that make me smile (I didn't include my family there not because my friends are more important than my family, but to protect my family's privacy). Also, I've added tabs to my blog! Of course, it's 'under construction' which basically means I can only doodle in it after SPM.

ASS PEE YAM 

You're probably wondering why I'm blogging. Well, it's currently the Raya Holidays. Selamat Hari Raya to all my Muslim friends, by the way. I hope you guys forgive me if I have insulted you all in any way. The cute thing about this year is that we have one week Raya Hols + August Hols. Usually they just mash everything up, but not sure why this year they made it a two-week holiday. So we're halfway through our holidays and I managed to nab the laptop.

I tweeted: 'Give me something to blog about.' (I know. I'm not supposed to be on Twitter, but it's just we're in the holidays and I needed to socialize a bit.) And surprisingly, people responded! Check it out:

I know right. My editing skills suck. I'm still learning though.

Anywaysssss. They gave some lovely ideas. Too bad I'm not in the mood to write any. But I did write them down on a sticky note! And I swear, after my Trials I WILL WRITE THEM (on a piece of paper first, then if I have time to nab the laptop, I'll type it out on my blog, kay? So sorry!)

Alright. As I was saying, I'm having my holidays now. And I'm wasting wasting wasting time.

Behold: My Brain. Yeah, I stole borrowed the brain picture and didn't bother to cover up the watermark.

I don't know what's going on inside also.

Time is just passing real quick. Suddenly I'm gonna start driving, suddenly I'm gonna sit for SPM, suddenly I'm gonna end my High School days, suddenly I'm gonna go to college, suddenly I'm gonna forget my friends.

Suddenly suddenly suddenly.

I'm terrified. 

Of everything. 

I don't know if I can handle life.

Mum says don't stress myself out too much. But if I don't stress myself, how am I going to push myself? All I did in these holidays is procrastinate procrastinate procrastinate.

So many events that I missed out/am going to miss out.

Sports Day. Canteen Day. And I'm gonna miss Graduation Night too. Whopeeeee. Nobody has the rights to change the date unless you're the Principal. I mean it's just stupid. Who organizes an event 2 days before Christmas? Christmas isn't just some Santa Claus event with presents all around. It's CHRISTMAS. It's Jesus' birthday. We're supposed to spend it with family. Of course, I won't be around. I'll be at Thailand or at Kedah, with my family. See? No one can do a thing. Oh, it's so sad that I can't come. It's not the same without me. Poppycock. Help me persuade the committee then. Change the date. Make it earlier. Of course, when this idea is suggested, everyone just smiles and wishes me a happy holiday. Delightful. I'll be leaving the school on the last day of SPM. Pat my buttocks and just walk away without any celebration or memorandum. Fun.

FLUSTERED.

I'm not getting any skinnier. I'm never gonna be skinny.

Great. Add Maths. I'm starting to understand you. Try to understand me too. I don't have much time with you left.

BOJIO BOJIO BOJIO BOJIO BOJIO 
JIO LIAO ALSO CANNOT COME LAH

I wrote my worst English essay with a dystopian setting and Unicorns. *flashes rainbows* Idiot. I didn't have enough time and the ending was crap. Surprisingly I have confidence for my BM essay, teacher cannot accuse me of having no 'original ideas' anymore. And my Chinese essay... Fingers crossed. 

Noel Work Hard. Noel Work Hard. Noel Work Hard. 

Chant it like a spell, maybe it'll come true. 

Mum wants me to wake up at 8am later to swim. I cannot slim down. I need to slim down. How to slim down. I eat so less already. She'll let me drive if I wake up early. Okay. We'll see about that. 

WORK HARD. 

This is a weird post. Maybe I shouldn't have updated at all. 


Blur Angel

Tuesday, 9 July 2013

Winks at You


Oh my gosh. I bypassed 33,333 blogviews. 

WHAT THE HECK?

*composes self.* Of course, everything was in my expectations.

HAHAHAHAHA No, seriously.

Okay, my brain is a bit frazzled with Trials coming (I AM SO GONNA GET CRAP RESULTS AND NEVER GETTING A SCHOLARSHIP) and all those silly deadlines to meet.

I will do a long post soon (as in probably when I can steal the laptop lol).

Meanwhile, here's a sexy photo of me.

THANK YOU

Sexified. I couldn't have done it without you.

Oh and of course I'll update my birthday post if I have time. IFFFFFF. Okay? But I want to do it though. It was a really big thing for me.

Okayyy. ASSIGNMENTS AND FOLIOS AND PROJECTS AND CAN I FAINT NOW AND WAKE UP NEXT YEAR

BYE!

I LOVE YOUUUUU

Hectic Angel

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