Hey

This is a word that I use a lot. When I say Hello. When I'm happy. When I sing. When I get pissed off. When I scream out a slogan. 

*change topic*

Hey, you know what I'm thinking now? 

No, I don't. 

Well, I was just reading my friend's blog... And then she has a friend who actually cares about her... I'm... Jealous? 

Jealous of what? 

I ask myself that too. Jealous of her being cute. Jealous of her having lots of guys fawning all over her. Jealous that she has a happy life. Jealous that her problems seem so minor. Jealous that she hasn't really grown up yet. Jealous that she hasn't been stabbed in the back by some looser. Jealous that her blog is so bright and beautiful, just like her. Jealous that she has a heart of pure gold. 

I thought you wanted to be yourself? 

Yeah, I thought that too. But what's the point of being myself when I fail at everything I do?? I mean, look:

I am NOT beautiful. 

I am NOT nice. 

I am NOT smart.

I am NOT creative.

I am NOT original.

I am NOT hardworking.

I am NOT determined.

I am NOT talented.

I am NOT attractive.

I am NOT musical.

I am NOT thin.

I am NOT curvy.

I am NOT girly.

I am NOT real.

I am NOT perfect.

I am NOT human.

I am NOT a dancer.

I am NOT an artist.

I am NOT a writer.

I am NOT a guitarist.

I am NOT a pianist.

I am NOT a singer.

I am NOT a songwriter. 

I am NOT a scientist.

I am NOT a mathematician.

I am NOT a historian.

I am NOT a poet.

I am NOT a performer.

I am NOT a lover.

I am NOT a dreamer.

I am NOT a wisher.

I AM NOTHING

Sometimes I wonder what am I doing here. Roaming the world. Trying to be a somebody. When all I was, a NOBODY. 

Why do you bother to act anyway?

Why? Because that's what everybody's doing. All they wanna do is fit in. But now, I think I'm lost in the Sea of Lost. I can't even recognize myself anymore. I don't know the things I do. Do I do it to please someone? Or do I do it for myself? 

I feel FAKE. I feel UNREAL. I don't feel like ME. 

So what can I do?

I'm waiting for the answer to appear. 

So, I'll just... 

Runaway to my own world. Where I can be free and happy. 

Depressed Angel