Summer

All my life, I've never experienced Summer.

I'm not talking about the heat, I was born smack in the middle of it. What I'm saying is the two classless, academic-free months in a student's school year, that  Summer.

And now that I'm studying in Unversity, in a country that has seasons, finally, FINALLY, I get to have Summer.

Two glorious, empty months, laying there for you to fill up with activities, adventures in the summer heat so you can say to your friends when school starts: 'Oh, I did *inserts awesome experience here* over the summer break! It was amazing.'

 I was so so so so so so so so excited. During winter break, I told my parents I didn't want to return to Malaysia for Summer. I know, to some, I sound like I hate home. Like I don't miss it at all. I sound so irresponsible, don't I miss my parents? Don't I miss my friends back home? How can I be so heartless? So cold? I know.

The thing is, I do, I do miss home. I miss my parents. I miss my friends. I want to spend time with you guys too.

BUT.

This is my first ever Summer.

And I have my plan.

1. I want to go up to the mountains in Taiwan and sing to mountain climbers. It's part of GuitarClub, and I had to audition for it, and I am lucky enough to have been accepted into this extra special group (all my expenses are paid for, all I have to give is my time and talent)
2. I want to work, get a job. 18 years of my life, I've never really had a job before. I feel so unprepared for the world. I want to throw myself out and learn. I want to teach English here, spread the love for Literature. I don't mind being a waitress too, there's so much I want to learn. 
3. Towards the end of Summer, I have a week plus of pre-orientation camp training. In this training, we group up and prepare skits, songs, dramas, games for the freshmen for my department. I still remember how I was blown away by my seniors' performances and I really want to continue this passion. I also feel quite distant from my classmates, due to the fact that I've been spending most of my free time with my guitarclub friends and I want to use this time to bond. 
4. And in between that, I also want to do gigs in restaurants or bars. I get to earn money and experience, so why not?
5. Finally, all throughout Summer, I want to retake my failed classes. I get to stay in Taiwan and do all that, whilst also saving my credits. I want to take a class with less people in it, so I can actually approach the professor and ask about what I don't understand (which is everything). I'm so tired of being labelled stupid. 

I want to do all this. Most of it sounds absolutely stupid. And childish. But this is my plan. And I want to stick to it. 

Last year, before I left Malaysia, my brother came back to Malaysia for Summer. And I was absolutely amazed by how empty his whole Summer was. Sure, he came back and spent time with us. But besides holing up at home or occasionally going out with friends, he didn't... Gain anything new? He didn't get a job, he didn't pickup a new instrument, he didn't go out and do new things. 

I don't want that. 

My first ever Summer, I don't want to spend it on nothing.

"You're not old enough to plan your own life. 

You're not grown enough. 

You still think like a child. 

Look at your results. They tell me enough. 

You haven't grown at all. 

Don't forget that you're still under my control."

I know planning my own Summer, staying in Taiwan throughout Summer is a big risk. There might be danger, I might make mistakes, like how I messed up my second semester. But if I don't make mistakes now, when am I going to learn? How else am I going to learn?

I always hear stories of my parents, how they left home to search for a better future at age 18, oh the adventures they had. The stumbles along the way.

I want to experience that too.

I want to stumble. I want to learn.

Recently, I realized that I am surrounded by the kindest, realest people. I'm certain this is God's work. Everytime I make a mistake, immediately people start bombarding me, slapping me awake with their words. And they don't bother to sweeten it up. They give it to me full on, and I'm glad. I'm glad that I have very wise parents, I'm glad that I have friends who are able to think for themselves and are kind enough to remind me when I mess up.

Armed with my passion to live and people who care about me, I am ready to face life head on, fearlessly.

I want my Summer back.

Give me a chance, please.